fairy godparents

If I’ve learned nothing else in life I have learned that life is full of surprises. Some feel like surprise “attacks” while others feel like surprise “parties”. I think my friends Kristin and Michael might have something to say about surprises that fall in some no man’s land between the two…and then eventually tip wholly into the category of “gift”.

Kristin gave birth to their first child, Caedmon, a couple years ago. He’s a walking talking machine now. The other day we were all over at his grandma’s house. Grandma, a.k.a. Michael’s mom, bought a small place in Bellingham so that when she travels here to visit her grandchildren a few times a year she has a comfortable place to stay and have the kids over. You have to also know that the whole family, Kristin and Michael as well, have accents that implicate they are from somewhere in the southern states. Even though his parents’ accents have been fairly tempered by the northwest, and though he was born in Bellingham, for some reason Caedmon speaks with a very distinct and rich southern accent. In the midst of our conversation that day Kristin interjected an age-old parental query, “It’s quiet. Where’s Caedmon?”

She found him in one of grandma’s bedrooms pretending like he was dusting the lamps of all things. He turned to Kristin and said, “We’re cleaning the hotel,” pronounced “ho-tay-ell”. Words like “house” are pronounced “hay-ows”, and “plate”, “play-ette”.

Caedmon’s little sister, Mirella, was born last year. The moment they were born they were both the most beautiful babies. Serious Gerber babies. Ask anyone. I’m not biased! They are both still very, very cute children.

I am a godparent to both children. Don’t tell Kristin and Michael that I am already a godparent and I’m not really that great of a godparent. But then again I think the role of the godparent is sort of like the role of the appendices in the human body –no one really knows what it does, because there’s no apparent practical use, but most people have one. So I guess my role is to stand around, look pretty, and in the case of an emergency make sure the mail is brought in.

I have a co-godparent. His name is Dale. I met Dale the first time at Caedmon’s baptism. All I can tell you of that initial meeting is that I was impressed by his long hair and equally long beard. He sort of intimidated me. He isn’t a large man in stature, but his eyes are piercing and reveal wisdom, or, mischief. I wasn’t sure. Now I know it as equal parts both.

I am getting to know Dale a lot more recently as he just returned to Bellingham from living a very solitary life in the Ozarks for the past year. Dale is a Malabar rite priest, but don’t ask me what that means because I have no idea and believe it may take awhile before I do. He epitomizes, though he may disagree, the word “eccentric”. He would likely say he is living the natural ordered life, whereas most of us are not. Which makes him eccentric. He must be a little younger than my dad. I really don’t know. If you look at his blog, which you can by clicking the link at the bottom of my blog, he describes his “industry” as “religion” and his “occupation” “monk”.

Now don’t go thinking he is either off his rocker or unapproachably pious and holy. He may say he is a bit of both. He also might have a few words for after reading this because I’m assuming a lot about what he might say. He is a very grounded man who challenges me in ways no one has challenged me in a very long time. Not only does he ask incredibly targeted questions, he looks you right in the eye. Which tends to disarm and cause me to consider my answers as if I were strapped to a polygraph. But I like that. Sometimes I’ll be confounded but it is not so I will agree. I like having someone around me who challenges me, ups the ante, and makes me think about what I’m saying. Someone who intimidates ME.

That doesn’t mean conversation with him is like that each and every sentence. He has a sharp and witty sense of humor. He is easy to be around as he leads a contemplative and unconventional life that slows him down to the, what I call, “Jesus” speed of life. Where at first I was intimidated by the way he spoke with calm command of subjects such as God, religion, and life, I now spend our time asking him really dumb questions. Mostly I repeat “What does that mean?” over and over. He speaks a language I have no grasp of because he has steeped his spirit in orthodoxy and liturgical language.

I’m moving into a house in which he lives too. He lured me there with promises of good coffee and good conversation. It is a large home built around 1900. There are about 12 tenants. It was the first brick house built north of San Francisco. It is painted 3 shades of purple and looks out over the bay. It is a very Bellingham’ish house. Squalicum creek and the busy railroad tracks run just down the hill. Both are audible and comforting. He will be my housemate now. It makes me feel more at home there already. That says a lot. I like to think of it as having my very own monk who I can visit and drink coffee with at any hour.

He is also a gay brother. I know this accentuated my draw to him. I feel comfortable with Dale. I get the idea that he is a man who takes responsibility. He lives a life free of the trappings most of us desire and juggle semi-successfully. I can confidently assume he has no debt though I am not privy to any information about that. That I know, he doesn’t own a house, a car, or anything else that he couldn’t leave behind or give to someone who really needs it. I think he puts a lot of importance on relationships. Not for his own benefit either. But he enjoys people, and it's evident in his descriptions of them.

He actively defies categorical labels. Just when you think he might agree with you on something, he’ll explain to you, in an economy of words what his perspective really is. I’ve quickly learned not to assume anything about Dale or his perspective. I assume he likes it that way (wink). Even to write about my new friend is difficult since I have no desire for my readers to conclude anything erroneous about him. In fact, I think Dale would rather me spend time describing someone entirely different since his goal is centeredness on God. But I might be wrong.

So, Kristin and Michael. For some reason the two of them chose to designate me as a godparent. They made a far better choice when they chose Dale as the other godparent. They had met Dale at St. Paul’s Episcopal church not long after they began attending a couple years ago. Dale explains that the average age of the parishioners at St. Paul’s was older than necessary. So when Kristin and Michael walked through the door he says he made a B line for them after church. He is drawn to youth because, as he and I talked about today, he has not grown up yet himself. Although, I said he’s half way. Actually, he took it upon himself to do what he could to get and keep the younger folks involved.

Surprises!

My good friends Kristen and Michael had no idea until this February that Dale is gay. They found out when they read about it in an entry on Dale’s blog. They were shocked that they had not known this before. Dale neither hides nor advertises his homosexuality. He just lives quite comfortably as a gay man. A gay monk rather. He came out when he was younger than I am. He has children and was married. He is comfortable but a practicing celibate. The reason Kristin and Michael probably didn’t see it is due to the same phenomena that occurs when, after hearing a word for the first time we suddenly come across it everywhere and can’t figure out how we never noticed it before.

Just a week before stumbling across the fact that Dale is gay, I had told them I was gay. When I came out to them the new information prompted some pretty funny responses. Like Kristin, who after putting her children to bed, come into the livingroom, sat down exhaustedly, and said, “So, about this gay thing.” On the subject of homosexuality I think they had existed on the very center of the fence perhaps tipping to the left. They had just witnessed their church being torn apart over many issues, not the least of which was homosexuality. There are many gay members and couples at their church. But the former priest took a lot of people with him for reasons that were explained as the church “questioning the divinity of Christ.” Which is a strange explanation since all my friends who remained at St. Paul’s know exactly who Christ is and that his divinity insinuates an authority over their very lives.

Michael and Kristin pondered over the my revelatory information with great integrity. They realized, like a lot of my friends and family, that homosexuality had always been a disembodied “issue” that really never affected them personally. Even when your church is torn apart by it you can still remain relatively "undecided". No one really has to THINK about it. We might believe we thought about it, but mostly we agree with the majority rather than THINK and CONSIDER. And when someone you love enters the equation...well, let's just say it's more in your face. When their good friend told them she was gay, Kristin and Michael's found they couldn't ignore the implications. They have embodied “family” in their response. They have loved me, supported me, come to my defense, and even actively keep a look out for other gay women. Now that’s a good friendship! I never intended for them to come to agree with me. As with most people in my life I only desire honesty. If someone is honest with me about their negative stance toward homosexuality, then I won’t be surprised when they openly disagree with my lifestyle in word or deed somewhere down the road. I think these two have had lingering questions…but then Dale came along.

I might have some semblance of integrity in their eyes, but I think it pales in comparison to Dale’s. So when they became privy of Dale’s orientation I think I witnessed an increased earnest desire to understand God and homosexuals, and the relationship therein.

Dale showed up in Bellingham about 3 weeks ago. Here’s a snippet concerning his move from his blog:

“after being away from bellingham for a year and two weeks, i am finding re-entry somewhat difficult. when living as a semi-hermit in the gentle hills of the ozarks, amidst slabs of ancient limestone, my life fell easily into a rhythm that i found deeply satisfying.now i am back to the city, where at any given moment it seems there are more cars whizzing down squalicum parkway, the quiet street beyond my deck, than there are in the whole of eureka springs on a busy weekend.i am trying to find another rhythm, one that keeps me centred on the holy one in our midst but which makes me available in "the conversation that leads us to new acts as todays apostles" in real time and not just on this blog.”

A few weeks ago we all, along with a few other friends, got together for a movie, popcorn, homemade ice cream, and strong coffee. The movie was a Russian movie called The Island. A fantastically simple movie, visually and script-wise, about a monk who keeps a secret that he shot someone before he was a monk. People come from all over to seek his healing and prophecy. It is a must see if you like subtitles.

The strong coffee bolstered good conversation that doesn’t really actually need much encouragement. That’s when Dale and I first really talked. We talked about being gay, probably more than he may have wanted to but I'm sure he humored me because I’m just so “new” at this. That’s also when he told a story about some friends of his who had a baby years ago. He and several of their other gay friends dressed up in drag for the baby shower. They called themselves the “fairy godmothers”.

Fairy godparents! Dale and I are Caedmon & Mirella's fairy godparents. Now THAT'S funny. Most remarkable is that Kristen and Michael had no idea BOTH of us were gay when they chose both of us to be their children’s godparents. What are the odds? You can’t plan that. I suppose it is tempting to turn the incredible coincidence into some kind of sign from God. Don’t these types of amazing coincidences imply a purpose for their unfolding? Mostly however we just laugh over it, drink some strong coffee, and enjoy great conversation and community. Family. That's what this is really about.