I'm sorry, we're going to have to let you go

Have you ever heard those crushing words before. I must admit that, due in no small part to my extraordinarily uncompromising personality, I have.

I've called you into my office to let you know that I've reached a determination. I'm fired. I'm going to have to let myself go. This doesn't mean that this blog will not continue to be authored. The blog will indeed continue. It's just that my personal life is getting in the way. I need to find someone more focused and, well, committed to the goals and mission of this blog. I'm showing up late, taking long lunch breaks, talking to the copy repair lady too long, and am simply not working up to my potential. More importantly I'm turning submissions in inconsistently without appropriate external editing and that is affecting our readership. I'm dead weight.

I'm sure I'll be able to find something more suited to my, um, special talents. But right now I need an author who isn't going to put things off because her personal life is in the way of meeting deadlines. I've just found that I seem to get overwhelmed by this extraordinary and exciting time in my life. I want to share it all, but my personal exuberance gets in the way because I want to write about every single morsel of it.

Because I care, I'd like to give some constructive feedback. I've watched myself do two things. I'm just saying this for my own good. First, I seem to get overwhelmed by the internal editor. "Too personal, not personal enough, too explicit, people do NOT need to know that right now, cherish that morsel for yourself, don't be too private, don't think you have to say everything, etc, etc." This can get in the way of meeting deadlines. I have to learn to write like it is a job not a journal entry that I can skip when the mood just isn't there.

Secondly, I'm not seeing myself as a writer. Writers, of personalized non-fiction, must both personalize and remove themselves professionally. At least that is the job description. I know it is difficult, but it is crucial to the success of any writing not just autobiographical writing. My, let's say "unique", personality gets overwhelmed and bogged down by the sheer weight of the wonderful things to peck out on the keyboard. And ultimately my exuberance backfires.

So, I finally made the decision to let myself go today. I think I'll find it was the best choice for me at this time. I will get a fresh start tomorrow. I will certainly find my niche.

This job, writing, is just like my job as a mental health therapist. In the office I can be myself as a therapist. In fact it is crucial that I be authentic, approachable, and fun. The client needs someone real to interact with, not a computer that spits out prepared answers like a computer program. Yet mental health clients also require the safety of a professional who is aware of and strictly adheres to the boundaries and guidelines put in place by the overseeing health board regulators. Simply, it is a doable balance. One method cannot be achieved successfully in this context without the equal application of the other method. Now I realize I must apply this same balance to my writing life and profession if I am to succeed.

This job is a jumping off point for me. I will succeed in this business if I apply myself, work hard, and be on time (be on time? That will never happen! Fascist! Did I say that out loud? Sorry...kind of.), things I'm sure I'm capable of if I believe what I'm doing really makes a difference.

So, as I said, I'm sorry I have to let myself go, but I'm certain with my talent and unique abilities (what does "unique" REALLY mean when they say that anyway?) I will have no trouble starting over. I'm confident enough to be a referral for myself.

I'll now go pack up my pride, stapler, some odd office supplies from the supply closet, and my glossy 8x10 picture of Trinity from The Matrix, and move on to the next phase of my work. I'll see you at the new workplace. I hope they have better benefits!
Stay tuned!